You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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