I'm going to jail i love you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
