I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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