CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
