Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize