I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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