I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
