i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
