I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
