Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
