You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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