is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i've created a new STD.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
