If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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