goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
