ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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