I could have mohawked her pubes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
