Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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