i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i think im in europe. pls send help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
