I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
