I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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