She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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