Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
