9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh god it's open bar.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
