it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
