do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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