you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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