my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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