someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
