in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
