I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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