The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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