weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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