I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
