Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
