I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
