Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think a kid would responsible me up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
