Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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