i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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