alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I did not marry a roomba.
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