Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
