you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
