we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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