Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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