Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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