It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
