I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
