Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
