i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
