I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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