i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
