not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
