I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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