woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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