I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
