What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can I color on your dick again?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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