so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
