I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
