drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
