You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
