I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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