it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
