i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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