i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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