You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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