Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
