With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
