Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
