They should really pass out barf bags in church
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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