Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
