I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
