if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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