well you can't waste a boner
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
