And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
